Category: Parent Talk
So I have been all day signing up on websites for a really good friend of mine, so she can get free diapers and such for her baby. I was wondering if anyone else was aware of any websites, places or anything that does such things like this to help out for an unborn baby?
You know, bottles, food, formula, clothes, the norm stuff.
Thanks bunches guys.
There are plenty of freebie groups on facebook; parents looking to get rid of clothes their kids grew out of for free. There are also local diaper banks and there's wic if she lives in the states. those freebie pulls that companies urge you to sign up for through their sites, contests, whatever--they're only mostly ploys to get you to bbuy stuff from them. You can't get truly durable promotional products for your babyespecially if you're only searching online. I know because I went through this myself two and a half years ago. I was unexpectedly pregnant and stupidly figured I'd get to sign up for a bunch of freebies and that would help me a bunch. Nope. didnt' happen.
Use other resources such as diaper and food banks like I said, use charities--local charities, and on Craigslist you can get clothes and bottles, breastpumps, etc. for next to nothing--peopel sell stuff all the time--just watch out for the quality. You can get good quality stuff, just some sour apples you need to keep an eye out for. There's stuff given away for free on craigslist, but most people want at least a little compensation for their kids' things.
One great site for reasonably priced diapers, whipes, etc. is diapers.com. they might even have a few freebies of their own. The hospital at which your friend gives birth may also have a donation center, where former patients donate clothes, diapers, etc. for future patients who may be down on their luck.
I wish your friend luck and I hope she gets her resources, but I also hope, for her child's sake, that she does have a bit of money saved up to spend on necessities. Freebies are great, but some sort of income or a nest egg of sorts is essential when trying to raise a newborn. Freebies wont' cover it all, trust me. Not by a long shot.
The baby needs market is huge, simply because babies are born all the time and there's a huge demand for it. So companies know the value of their product, and they're less than willing to let it go for nothing often times.
PS: you mentioned formula: If your friend can breast feed, there's no better freebie than the milk her own body naturally produces. Way healthier for baby,and formula is super expensive in the long run. I'd say do some research on that and have your friend do the same. Breast pumps can be had through state-funded insurance, medicaid, in most states. There's a freebie. Just a thought.
I know she's definitely against breastfeeding, I've signed her up for all the brands I can think up and google. I also told her about talking to the hospital when the baby is born and what not, but I just thought someone would know something more that I couldn't think of.
I did diapers.com as well.
I'll start up with craigslist. Should've thought of that.
Thanks.
Wic will also provide your friend with food vouchers throughout her pregnancy if she signs up with them. Look for your local wic office and have her go there. Once the baby is born, if she's breast feeding, she''l keep getting food vouchers for herself as long as the breast feeding continues. Once the baby's off the boob, so to speak, he or she can qualify for wic vouchers till age five. so it's a resource your friend can't afford to miss.
PS: if your friend does not breast feed and instead uses formula, or if she supplements with formula while breastfeeding--like I did--wic will provide most of the formula as well. And that's an astronomical expense which can be a weight off ehr shoulders. I remember seeing Enfamol go for something like twenty bucks a case. if you dont' know, a case of enfamol will probably last a baby a couple of days-- three or four at most if you're just supplementing, and about two days if you formula-feed exclusively.
Just curious: why is your friend so vehemently against breastfeeding?
I honestly cant answer that, I just know she is. I know it is probably something kinda dumb, but its none of my business really. I'll talk to her about wic.
Yep. You should get her to sign up for wic as soon as possible. And yeah, it's none of your business about the reasons for being against breastfeeding, but as a good friend, you should maybe make an attempt to at least get her to educate herself on the matter. if her reason for not wanting to breastfeed may be, like you say, kinda dumb, all the more reason to do research pre-birth. Because not wanting to breastfeed for a kinda dumb reason is like saying, well I don't wanna feed my kid any vegetables, ever, because vegetables suck. There's no room for kinda dumb reasons when you're a parent. Especially when you're taking care of an infant for the first time. Kinda dumb reasons lead to kinda dumb decisions. lol.
Well I am a man and so have no real qualification to speak on this, but I congratulate Bernadetta's effort. And any time you can seek help from your local community that is good.
Don't be embarrassed to do it. People contribute for just that reason, so hardworking struggling people just like you can get the help you need.
If people sit around and don't take the help, because of pride or embarrassment to do so, then what good is the community effort? But yes we know it is hard, and the fear of judgment is hard.
I am not a woman, but as a new father I had the misfortune of being pretty poor, and having a very youthful appearance. Many a older woman in those types of places read me the riot act about teenage fatherhood, without considering I was in fact in my early 20s.
I admit it's hard to take. But you know what? A lot of people are donating to these charities and do not have this hostile and undeserved attitude.
Leo, you're in the right. lol. she wasnt' asking for a woman's point of view, but any parent's perspective. arent' you a parent? lol.
I am not really caring if it is from a female or male prospective. I like all input.
I'm just grateful it isn't me who's gonna have this baby. This is already making my head ache, I am just glad I can see it now so I know what to do and how to handle it later.
Well I guess I qualified my statement out of guilt or whatever. In the 90s when my daughter was little, and still to a certain extent, men can do all the work but commenting on it is far too often only the turf of women who when we do speak up have the 'how dare you, we have it so much harder' attitude.
I'm not in competition over any of that.
But I am glad you are helping your friend. This is really noble of you, many at your age would just leave her and hope the system would do it all.
And, good for you for taking a lesson from seeing her misery. I hear about this type of misery all the time from where my wife works, at a residential program center for teenage mothers and pregnant teens. How some of them have babies at 12 and live is a mystery to me. But you are right, this is miserable, and a teenager should not have to do this.
My only experience that is even close is when I was a teenager growing up I was responsible for caring for my terminally ill brother. I can tell you teenagers make a ton of mistakes that older adults make less often, and being sleep deprived and at wit's end as a teen is no way for even the infant or cared for person to have to live.
I'm not down on your friend, just glad you saw this reality and have taken something away from it.
One other suggestion. Your friend should sign up for parenting classes. A young person in her teens can really benefit from that--especially if she doesnt' have much of an idea about what it's like to have a baby 24/7.
Some of the ideas and prejudices she might have, r feel are right, may not be consistent with what a baby needs. So many teens have a kid and while some take to it naturally, for others, it takes years for them to get into the groove of things. And those first months and years are crucial. Parenting classes are not required, of course, but they can be essential--and they're free in most cases, especially if someone is low income. A few classes about infant care, for instance, can go a long way. It's nothing to be ashamed of--it just goes to show who's willing to take their effort to raise their child well a step further. A ton of teen parents from previous generations wish they had parenting classes--or knew about them in order to have avoided some of the hardships they faced, or at least eased their mind about them.
Speaking of nothing to be ashamed of, you may want to help your friend learn this is no time to be embarrassed or ashamed at all of anything. Knowledge is way too priceless to sell for the paltry fee of not being embarrassed.
Adults ask these types of questions all the time, not just during infant stage either.
yes, Bernadetta's right. Many women my age who were teenage moms in the 1980s weren't given this type of assistance with parenting classes. Maybe support groups, which makes people feel better. But what she needs is knowledge, and the courage to admit she doesn't know and willingness to ask. Ideals are fine, but they should always give way to facts and reality.
Yep, and not to be a broken record, but a great example of this is breast feeding. I'm not a boob nazi by any means, and I don't believe in rudely forcing women to breastfeed, but it truly is healthier for the child in the long run to get at least some of mother's milk. At least the colostrum, which is the clear liquid stuff that comes in during the first few days of the baby's life. And I understand perfectly when a woman cant' breast feed due to health reasons, or if she's educated herself on the matter and made an informed decision.
But if someone says simply, well no. hell no I'm not breastfeeding. tha'st gross. or, I dont' want my boobs to sag later. or, thats' so tiring. I wanna just put the milk in the bottle and get it over with. stirrit up and feed the kid--there ya go.
That's not making an educated decision, it's being selfish and downright ignorant. And really, you have no room to be ignorant when you're a parent, though you'd never know that from the way many new parents behave. lol.
All I'm saying is, encourage your friend to do a ton of research, and then to base her choices on what's best, not what's easiest for herself as an individual. for her babie's sake. I mean, I know it's probably way more fun to sit around and eat chitos and watch reruns of Jersey shore or something, but it's also way more fun to make a baby than it is to hang out with it in the middle of the night during a collick spell. And as a parent-to-be, she's definitely in the running to prepare herself to make sacrifices, to take the less fun road and to make informed choices--if she wants to do right by her kid, that is. Just saying.
Knowledge is power.
Was it not the HBO gang movie Colors, from the late 1980s, where the father told the son the following?
"Any man with a dick can make a baby, but it takes a real man to raise one."
I suppose someone could make the necessary changes to make that female-relevant / female-friendly. lol
I'll let her know all of this. Thanks guys so much.
Your welcome. I'm always happy to lend a hand. I'll go as far as saying if she's got any questions, I'll be happy to answer them for her through you, or if she feels comfortable, she can contact me directly. Not many people will take the time to talk to, support or brief a mom to be when they're a mom themselves, but I don't mind.
Bernadetta's did such a wonderful job with this board, there simply was nothing else to say. Male, or femaile.
Smile.